One morning, when I woke up, I noticed a strange feeling inside my heart. It combined with a sense of dread, hope-sorrow, joy-life and death. It was a sense that I never felt in my life. My heart was like a volcano which starts to an eruption and it spout with love, friendship, kindness, madness, all of them mixed together and made an enormous storm and stress in my mind and heart. Yes, I was in love with a beautiful girl whose gentle eyes were like deer eyes. Her eyebrows were like the sword and her smile won the hearts of all human beings and cause earthquakes to all live creatures. Her voice was like Sea elves in Greek mythology that sang for sailors and attracts them and they crashed/sailed on top of rocks and wrecked their ships. Yes, every time I talked to her, I felt the entire beautiful things in the universe and when I could not see her or hear her voice, I became upset and a whole dark world surrounded me I couldn\'t see anything. I could not tolerate this situation and once I decided to tell her what I feel towards her by telling this beautiful word {I love you} and give it to her kind heart. But she didn\'t accept my love and said me {you don’t deserve to love me} {you don’t know the meaning of love}. I was thinking about her answer but didn\'t doubt in my love, I was just thinking what I should do to attract her to myself and how show her my love. I have already passed my love examination because I have painted my love and view of my sunset alone and pain and misery in my heart that was for her. One night I cried for her under my blanket but it was so delightful. Gradually I became mad about her and every day I looked at her photo with special zeal to not forget her beautiful eyes and felt her close to myself more. I thought that I could calm down and relief myself of extra loving with wine and smoking. But I noticed that there is no way and treatment for it and I should have only met her. I was like a person who is in a warm desert looking for water but find mirage. I tried hard to gain her but once I saw her with a boy in my tour and she didn\'t talk about her before. She said he is their family\'s friend but they acted like loving birds and their behavior was not normal because I observed them all during that day. I was very sad about it and I was like a wrath lion that wandering lions want to seize his territory and destroy his life so I roar with wail and rage in my inside but it made me more sadness and madness because nobody know about my problem and I conducted as if I have not felt grief from my birth until now. Yes,every time that I saw them talking, dancing, flirting and touching, made me feeling that my life light become turn off. All my hope change to hopeless and I doubt to justice of God and believed that I am alone and even don’t have God in my heart. There was a party, noise, happiness and all my classmates were happy but I felt loneliness and laughter at myself and the universe. I do not know how to handle those situations over time but I understood Gods wisdom that’s why the time is going on fast because if that day was did not pass fast, I may throw myself off the highest peak of the world. It was a painful and dangerous day because my jealousy became like injure lion and whisper evil thought in my ear but when I saw her tearful eyes for special problem, I became calm down and my entire body was shaking and I forgot anything except her eyes that was like unlimited ocean. I wanted to embrace her with my whole energy and soul and gave her a magic calmness that combine with smell of spring flowers that nobody can find in this world but I could not do that because someone was in middle of us and separate our love. The next day, I was very upset and stood in front of the mirror in the privacy of my room and cried as a child who lost his mother. That day I regret for my repressed feeling and tried more to find any cause for it but I could not find any answer and one word bothered me every moment why? Why? Why?
Why doesn’t she love me? Does she hate me? Did she want to show me her boyfriend’s deserve her? Telling the truth and being pure is good or the crowd? Am I wrong and deserve this plague? Is it a panacea for my death? I am a sinner and corrupt? Do I deserve loneliness? Does anyone feel the same as I understand? Today:1
